You Always Want What You Can't Have
by LadyLefaye
Summary: Buffy and Giles try to work through the estrangement they've been experiencing since he left to work with Faith. Set during the Season 8 comics. Buffy/Giles mostly unrequited , implied Faith/Giles and Buffy/Satsu


**Author's Note: **I wrote this fic a while ago in response to a request posted at the fic on demand Livejournal community. The request asked for longing and unrequited sexual tension. WARNING: This story is set during the Season 8 comics. I'd read up through issue #12 when I wrote this. If you haven't read up to at least #11, this fic might be a bit confusing to you. I rated it M just to be on the safe side, but there isn't anything graphic in it.

* * *

Buffy and Giles stood close together…close enough that a single step would allow them to embrace. But they did not close the distance, even though it had been months since they had last seen each other. They each looked at their feet, not sure of how to start, tension practically crackling in the air between them.

"So…you and Faith," Buffy began, wincing slightly at how petulant she sounded.

"So…you and Satsu," Giles countered.

"Oh! You heard about that?" Buffy blushed. "It's nothing really…just a one night stand that sort of turned into a string of one night stands. Not anything defined. But hey…what right do you have to pry into my love life?"

Giles arched his eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing."

"But…it's _Faith_. Last time I saw her, she tried to drown me in a wading pool. How could you…how could you leave me for _her_?" Buffy asked, her voice cracking as she finally got to the crux of the problem that had caused the estrangement between her and her former Watcher.

"Faith was there on my orders trying to _save_ you from a psychotic Slayer who had every intention of assassinating you. If you had given Faith even the tiniest benefit of the doubt and let her explain…rather than brashly attacking her…she never would have tried to harm you. You can hardly blame her for defending herself."

"Maybe not," Buffy conceded. "But there are plenty of other things I can blame her for. Convicted felon, remember?"

"We all have done things in the past that we regret, yourself included. She is trying to become a better person… to make a difference in the world. I am merely guiding her along her chosen path so that she does not fall back into darkness."

"Last time I checked, doing the horizontal mambo wasn't part of a Watcher's job description. Didn't realize you were such a cradle robber. Maybe, if you ask real nice, she'll even put on a schoolgirl uniform for you," Buffy said bitterly.

"What makes you think she hasn't already?" Giles asked, his voice containing an undercurrent of hardness.

"Oh…my…God. I _so_ did not need that mental image," Buffy grimaced.

"But seriously," Buffy continued. "Age aside, she isn't even your type. You've always been prim-and-proper librarian guy, and Faith is a total wild cat."

"You see me as prim and proper because it is convenient. You forget that I was quite the hellion in my youth. Faith's path is one that I have already traveled. Given our similar pasts, I find we have quite a lot in common. Her age is irrelevant."

"Do you think…I mean…have you ever thought about _me_ that way?" Buffy asked nervously, unconsciously inching forward to close the gap between her and Giles.

"Would it have made any difference?" Giles sighed wearily.

Buffy looked up at him, and something in her demeanor shifted subtly. "There's only one way to find out," she said softly. Tentatively, she reached up, sliding her hands into Giles' hair. Giles closed his eyes and let out a shuddering sigh. He did not try to aid Buffy in what she was doing, but he didn't have the will power to stop her either. When she saw that he wasn't going to fight her, Buffy pulled his head down for a kiss.

Giles shivered and let out a guttural moan. The touch of her lips ignited a spark that he had kept buried deep inside for far too long. His hands came up to cup her face, and he kissed her passionately, letting out years of pent-up desire and frustration that he had kept studiously in check for the sake of propriety. He longed to press her into the wall, hike up her skirt and demonstrate just how wrong all her preconceived notions of him really were.

But his conscience would not allow him to continue…not when Faith's heart hung in the balance.

Giles tried to extricate himself from Buffy's arms, but she clung to him fiercely, using her strength to hold him to her even when his gentle push against her shoulders turned forceful. When she continued to paw at him even when he went completely still and refused to reciprocate, a boiling anger began to rage inside of him at how casually she was treating his feelings.

Sick of her games, Giles roughly grabbed Buffy's wrists and slammed her into a nearby wall, leaning down to glare into her eyes. "Do you really want _me_, or is this newfound attraction based entirely upon your compulsion to want what you can't have? Because you certainly paid me little mind all the years I was by your side."

"So you'll fuck _her_, but I'm not good enough for you? Is that it?" Buffy cried, shoving him off of her.

Giles backed away from her with a sigh, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "It's never been about picking one of you over the other. I merely tried to go where I would do the most good. And while I regret that you feel that I've abandoned you, I have no desire to be added to your list of one night stands. Like it or not, Faith and I have forged a romantic relationship with a certain level of commitment to it. I certainly would not like to see her reaction if she discovered that yet another man had betrayed her. She might _actually_ try to kill you then…right after she'd finished with me."

Something in Buffy deflated at the mention of the word 'commitment'. She hadn't realized things were quite that serious between Faith and Giles. Her anger drained from her, leaving her with an empty ache in her chest.

"What if…what if things were different?" Buffy asked quietly.

"We can never know what _would _have happened…short of involving vengeance demons, that is, but we all know how well _that_ tends to turn out…"

"Getting off track here, Giles," Buffy grumbled.

"Ah, yes…well. What I was trying to say is that it is difficult to know what might have happened if circumstances had been different. When I first came into your life, you were practically a child. We certainly couldn't have developed any sort of romantic attachments while you were still in high school, no matter how often you and Willow giggled and ogled me when you thought I wasn't looking."

"You…you knew about that?" Buffy exclaimed.

"Contrary to popular belief, I am not entirely oblivious, and school girls with a crush are hardly subtle. At one point, I believe Willow even went so far as to send me an anonymous Valentine. I don't think she realized that I was quite familiar with her penmanship…or lack thereof."

"So you knew…all these years…that I had a thing for you, and you never did anything?" Buffy said, sounding both hurt and accusing.

"No," Giles replied. "I knew when you were a child that you harbored a silly crush. To act on that would have been entirely inappropriate. And when you finally blossomed into a woman, you threw yourself into one bad relationship after another. At times, you barely seemed to tolerate my presence. I got the impression that you saw me as a bit of a fuddy duddy."

"Well, you _are_ a bit of a fuddy duddy, but you were _my_ fuddy duddy. I…I thought you'd always be there, no matter what. It kills me that you're with Faith now. When did you stop being _my_ Watcher?"

"When you became general of an army of Slayers," Giles replied softly. "You are no longer a child. I will always be here to give you advice and help when you need it, but you don't need me to watch your every step. You're a leader in your own right now. People look to _you_ to watch over _them_."

"But what if…what if I can't do it alone?" Buffy whispered.

Giles expression softened, and he pulled Buffy into a hug. "You aren't alone," Giles murmured. "Just because I am working with Faith does not mean I can't help you when you really need it. I don't need to be your Watcher or your lover to be your friend."

Buffy laughed and wiped a tear from her eye. "Did you just give me the 'just friends' speech, Giles?"

"Is that such a bad thing, to be friends?" Giles asked.

"No, I suppose not," Buffy admitted. "But when your relationship with Faith crashes and burns, I totally call dibs."

Giles gave her a discerning look. "I can't promise you anything. When I enter into a relationship, I do so with the hopes that it will last. But, if for some reason Faith and I were ever to part ways, I might be inclined to consider your proposition if you promise me one thing," Giles said.

"What's that?" Buffy asked.

"_Never_ mention any of this to Faith. I'd rather not have to deal with the emotional fallout of a jealous girlfriend."

"I _might _be able to live with that," Buffy said.

"I swear…you bloody Slayers are going to be the death of me," Giles grumbled, glaring at Buffy.

"Fine…fine…I'll play nice with Faith if you promise to keep in touch," Buffy replied.

"If I recall, it was _you_ who stopped speaking to _me_," Giles said gently.

"Yeah, well no more of that. My world is all wonky when we're fighting. We're…we're ok now, right?" Buffy asked tentatively.

"Five by five," Giles replied with a smirk.

"Oh, I think you just overstayed your welcome," Buffy said, laughing as she gave him a small shove towards the door. "Faith is obviously having a negative affect on your vocabulary."

Giles paused at the door. "I will keep in touch," he promised as he gave Buffy a final hug.

"Go on…get out of here," Buffy said as her eyes started to tear up. "And tell Faith…tell Faith that I'm cool if she's cool."

Giles gave Buffy a warm smile. "Thank you, Buffy. Truly. I'm sure that will mean a lot to her."

Then Buffy watched as he walked away, her heart breaking just a little with each step he took.

Because he had been right, of course. She hadn't realized what she was missing until it was no longer hers for the taking.


End file.
